Letter to Me at 50

Dear Me at 50,

I have 15 minutes to write this because I do not like the fact that my own future is taking time from my present. This is a very unfair position I have put myself in. In fact 15 minutes is a lot of time; but you know I would do anything for you!
I simply want you to know that you have arrived. This is it: this myth we call life. You have accomplished everything life ever let you accomplish. You are a gem and the person that holds you tonight is a blessed moron. You are beautiful, treasured and loved. You are unapologetic-ally blessed and everybody around you is blessed in turn even if they are jealous.
I hope you are covered financially at 50. The retirement account should be heavy now. It took me great pains to set it up that it would bring me to tears if has been absolved. Yes, I am stingy, and so are you. Thank me later, or never!
At last you can start faking memory loss whenever you meet the dreaded exes! Yes! Exes. At 23, I have amassed enough of those so by 50, I guess the memory loss thing will surely come in handy.
I do hope you are still a spinster though! That would be fantastic, with the money and all. Reason being, I made the mistake of betting a lot of people that I will be unmarried and childless at 50. How clever! I clearly didn’t think this through! Not that I am into that sort of thing now! But mistakes do happen. (Letter to my unborn child! )
A little about yourself at 23: life is bliss. You have been there and done that. I mean everything. Alright not everything; but everything you ever dreamed of, at 23, has been done.
You have been to busiest cities, New York, Toronto, Kampala (in my perception), and maxed it. You even tried gambling and lost at all counts. That will be the last time you try it, I think. You have created the best of connections in all. You have broken your front teeth. Twice…. How’s that for ambition? You have sneaked into an emergency room and acted doctor for a minute. Awesome feeling. You have been to court and got away with it. You took on the leviathon at Canada’s wonder world and still didn’t puke!! You even went to the nude beach on the island and stripped for the sun and even had a wierdo offer to show you his asshole in broad day light. Extra-ordinary occurrences just, not even in a good way. There are lots of things you have done that I can’t disclose here without risking you having a heart attack. But know you have been there.
It is 2 days to your birthday today and on that day, if God wills, you shall walk the CN tower and hold onto life by just a bunch of ropes. I have a bad feeling about it. I think that is why I took to pessimism by writing to you at 50. Hoping you will survive the CN tower and exist at 50.
U R OWSUM!