In 2015, I posted a line or two about loneliness. It was at the time when I realized that if I were to die in my sleep, there would be no one to dial 911 ASAP.
Do you have that someone that would dial 911 in case you died in your sleep? Assuming you live alone…. #IndependenceSucks
Thank goodness that hasn’t happened yet; I still would maintain that preparedness trait! I like to think of myself as a fireman. That’s why I have signed up for Life Insurance before I am 30 and have started to earn above $100,000 a year; simultaneously. Don’t ask me who my beneficiaries are! You’re probably NOT one of them!
Anyway, the post I opened with [above], haunted me this year when Facebook decided to relive my memories for me…. these guys must be SO IDLE! I found myself approving, accepting and aligning with the notion in my statement.
For starters, I entered 2017 ALONE.
All my friends and family had traveled, all I had were acquaintances whom I wouldn’t hold a breath for if the Titanic was sinking….AGAIN! I definitely wasn’t going to spend that magical minute at midnight with. I remember dressing up so well and then wondering, “What for?”
After texting all those people I met when I was drunk and unrepresented, and coming up with nothing but excuses, I decided to join the “Downtown Cool Bars and Random Adventures“, a random meetup group in Toronto filled with horny guys and alcoholic females. Don’t take my description for it, it’s an amazing group of people who understand what it means to be home alone in your downtown condo on a Friday night in the Americas.
My New Years Eve, leading up to 2017, was spent with rare but random people. People that I would love to spend a day with if I didn’t have a liver, and people that I could totally hang with if they knew how to dance. Literally!
I laughed, I exhausted my diaphragm, I counted down to a new year with people whose second name I wasn’t even sure of, but for sure, I was happy. If you put into consideration that I was in foreign territory and without the element of familiarity; I was STILL happy!
And for sure, at 12.30 am, January 1st, 2017, I Ubered (Is this even a word?) home; satisfied that I had defied loneliness and still ended up with a smile on my face. So you can imagine how bizarre it felt when Facebook reminded me in the ninth month of the year; how aggressive loneliness can be!
Surely on the morning of the first day of the year, I put on my skates and went skating on Victoria street. ALONE. It was too cold for a pair of gloves but the ice was too crispy for a learning skater, all the better. I skated alone, Dear Reader. And it felt SO good! I laughed at myself, laughed with myself, and when i fell so hard, I nursed myself back up. It was like, I was my own friend and I knew, for once, who mattered most, who ailed most, whose happiness (teeth) mattered; MOST.
I was happy! On my own! There is no feeling that can describe that.
Of course, I must have looked like a lunatic to all the people that were skating around me.
And now I can tell you for sure, Dear Reader, if you don’t celebrate yourself, nobody else will; if you can’t enjoy your own company, when you’re low, or high a.f. (literally), no one possibly can, and if you dread time with yourself more than you treasure time with rare people, a.k.a, people.you.don’t.know, you will never understand what a gem you truly are and thus you definitely can’t award the right person; your company, your beauty, your intellectualism. It’s a chain, you see!
You are who you are!
You’re the only person who knows who you are! TRULY!
Love yourself; and then you can master to love someone/thing else!